Too cool for school

a- Fuck Hillary. She’s a bummer. She’s the bitch who’ll lie to your face and tell you she’s lying but she’ll keep lying cuz she doesn’t give a fuck. It’s a character flaw in most fields outside of politics.

b- Obama is a fucking douchebag. He speechified today in Indiana that he’s gonna rise above the fighting because he doesn’t feel the need to fight in this contest… but that doesn’t mean he won’t fight for the American people because as President he’ll fight for us–he just won’t fight for the Presidency. He wants to not fight for the office of President so that once he’s President he can fight… for us. He just won’t fight to fight for us. What?

Hey, David Axelrod, you greasy nuke-loving bastard, please inform your candidate that (since we barely ever heard of this assclown before he decided to run for president) he’s supposed to SHOW us what kind of President he’s going to be… not just expect us to take it on faith that he’s not a glassjaw. Especially when he acts like a glassjaw.

This is not the first time Obama said he doesn’t want to fight for the job of President either. WTF is up with this dude? He smells more and more like slacker GWB the longer this campaign goes on.

Can we get some more goddamned candidates in this race?? Kucinich? Richardson? Biden? Anybody? Fuck it, I’d take Gravel right now! (oh, he’s still in the race? anyhoo…)

BTW- how come Obama gets to accuse Hillary and McCain of fearmongering when he constantly says shit like this in his speeches: “two wars, an economy in recession, a planet in peril”

“A planet in peril” isn’t fearmongering? What is he, Flash Gordon? He’s Bruce Willis in Armageddon and we need him to save our planet from asteroids? Ridiculous.

Sure… maybe the planet is in peril–but just because it may be the case doesn’t get Hillary off the hook for mentioning that Bin Laden is still out there plotting against your sleeping younglings (which may be the case) or get McCain off the hook for saying the American forces are the only stabilizing force preventing genocide in Iraq (which may be the case). Is it just that Obama’s fearmongering is using Dem talking points and that’s what makes it not actually fearmongering?

Also, will all the goddamned politicians please stop saying we’re in a recession?! That’s really bad for the economy, you fucking retards! Why do you think consumer confidence is at a 26 year low? Because you idiots keep saying we’re in a recession! Jesus christ, have you ever read a book on economics? You’re making the economy worse everytime you open your fat mouths! If you want to fight the economic downturn, then stop taking so many goddamned donations and maybe people will actually buy shit. For fuck’s sake!

Thank ya very much.

Clubber Lang vs Annie Oakley

I called out Hillary on race-carding with the Apollo Creed/Clubber Lang reference… but Obama calling her Annie Oakley is just as ugly so now I call it a wash. Thank you.

Ref vs Ref: They Eat Their Own

This campaign has descended into a parody of itself. The pundits are cannibalizing themselves, Hillary is a toothless dog trying to gum Obama to death, and Obama is proclaiming that debates are the old-style politics we have to get away from.

Look, Keith Obamamann, when I said “Attack The Refs” I wasn’t talking to you! Hahahaha, I guess you’re just so used to following orders that sometimes you get confused. It’s supposed to be the candidates versus you, not you versus each other!

Why don’t TV networks officially endorse candidates yet? Print Media has long since abandoned any notion of non-partisanship, but the TV Networks are acting like they’re not clearly in the tank for these candidates.  I think there should be a class action lawsuit against ALL the news networks for false advertising by using the word “NEWS” in their names.

Whine all you want about FOX, I’m mystified by MSNBC. They shitcanned Tucker for backing Ron Paul (not that I give a fuck about Tucker, but at least he was in the tank for a loony) and waterboarded Chris Matthews into licking Obama’s rim clean 3 times a day. This assclown has gone on the record to say he got all tingly on two momentous occasions: Obama’s race speech and Bush’s Mission Accomplished speech. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Got credibility? Why can’t we vote on who delivers our fucking news??

The fallout from last night’s debate is the most ridonkulous thing I’ve ever seen. It’s one thing for MSNBC and The Washington Post to regularly fellate Barry, it’s another thing for them to rush to his defense when he gets his hair tussled in a debate.

Why do all these networks get to host their own exclusive sponsored debates in the first place? When the fuck did that happen? You have one network attacking another network’s debate, referencing their own debate in the coverage, arguing how much better their questions were, and comparing ratings. WTF??

It’s a sad day when Wikipedia is the most unbiased news source available…

Hillary Balboa? Does that make Obama Apollo Creed or Clubber Lang?

Howard Wolfson, you need to muzzle your candidate if you expect to steal this election. The whole idea about dragging this on is that you anticipate Obama making some horrendous gaffe, but it seems that it’s ol’ Blockhead Clinton who’s hobbling around on one foot because the other one is lodged firmly between her teeth.

I didn’t buy the whole “roll of the dice” and “fairy tale” thing as racist code. I just didn’t.

I was however horrified by the Bosnia debacle, but I did still feel like the press was enjoying it a bit too much and was a little too excited to drop that Jeremiah Wright hot potato in favor of bashing on Hillary about Bosnia. Still, she lost about ten favorability points in my internal tracking poll (of myself) with that shit.

But it’s the Rocky thing that’s really making me uneasy, and for once the press isn’t jumping on it. They’re making fun of her for the comment, but I haven’t heard anyone point out the inherently racist undertones of Rocky. Sorry, maybe this is my repressed film school education spilling out here, but Rocky is a great film that also happens to be deeply racist. Not Birth of a Nation racist, but racist nonetheless. Philadelphia was deeply racially divided at the time Rocky was released (unlike now, mwahahahaha) and whiteys were still adjusting to the shift in boxing from wops and micks to blackies. Enter Sly Stallone: The Great Wop Hope (who some people would also consider white). Jeremiah Wright hates the “garlic-noses” who “killed Jesus,” so referencing a movie where spaghetti-bender Sylvester Stallone takes on the nubian prince Carl Weathers is just the sort of thing to get Wright back on the pulpit screaming about how the Jews invented Crabs.

Here’s my question for Hillary…

- Is she Rocky in Rocky 1, where he doesn’t win but he goes the distance in the ring with the great showman and superstar Apollo Creed? Will all our TVs freeze on a still-frame of Hill & Barry shaking hands at the end of the final debate and the convention itself happens offscreen during the credits?

- Is she Rocky in Rocky 2, where she gets a rematch (perhaps in Florida and Michigan) and finally beats the champ?

- Is she Rocky in Rocky 3… and Obama is Clubber Lang??? Dead meat!

- Is she Rocky in Rocky 4… and she’s gonna box Vladimir Putin?

I didn’t see 5… I guess that’s when she trains Chelsea or some shit. Anyhow, the racial subtext is kind of fucked up IMHO in this particular case. Anyhow… if she’s Rocky… and McCain’s Rambo… then I suppose that would make Obama Stud from “Party at Kitty and Stud’s.”

BTW- if the press misses this opportunity to bash Hill, then I’m calling it that overall the softball treatment of Barry in this campaign is less to do with the pundits having crushes on him and more to do with them being scared to discuss race. That would give further insight into the collective sigh of relief after his “race speech,” but it would also explain why they were so skeered to take on the Jeremiah Wright issue and gleefully moved on to cover traditional skullduggery when dumbass Hillary handed them the Bosnia story on a silver platter.

Obama goes nuclear

Chris Matthews was way proud of Barry today for having the guts to talk about nuclear energy as a cure to our fossil fuel problems.

Barry loves nuclear energy. He also spoke of it lovingly in the debates.

Maybe that’s because he takes campaign money from nuclear power companies like Exelon and because his puppetmaster David Axelrod is a former Exelon toady (see post below).

For this, I now dub the junior Senator from Illinois “Nuclear Barack.”

David Axelrod looks kinda like Daniel Day Lewis in ‘Gangs of NY’

I was curious about David Axelrod, who’s apparently the mad genius behind Obama’s Web 2.0 campaign, so I googled him.

Apparently he was a consultant to Exelon, the nuclear powerplant corporation who contributed $227,000 to Obama’s campaigns for Senate & Presidency and who smashed Barry’s glass-jaw when he tried to place regulations on them after an unreported nuclear leak became public. The best part is that Barry campaigned in Iowa on his bill to force restrictions on Exelon, but he didn’t mention that the bill died after he rewrote it to make the mandatory reporting voluntary. Hah.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/03/us/politics/03exelon.html?_r=2&hp&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

The Tyranny of the PayPal

Obama may very well be the Napster of politics in America… certainly the music industry is corrupt and deserved a kick in the balls, so we all rushed for a change of the business model: “F big business, we’ll share our music and get it for free!” Sharing. What a sweet word. Slightly more kindergarten-friendly than the good ol’ “Five Finger Discount.” Ahh, but the law of unintended consequences… low record sales has forced our stars to instead sell tabloids, and aren’t we all better off for it?

I don’t know what the unintended consequences are with Obama. He’s a shot in the dark (ooohhh, was that racist? Is there racist subtext there? Did I really mean “your kids are gonna get shot by a darkie?” Party foul!). I’m at the point where I don’t give a fuck. The media loves him as much as they loved GW, everybody wants him over to their barbecue just like they wanted GW & they’re all Voting While Intoxicated, and we have no idea how he’ll govern but we’re in the mood for a change just like we were back in 2000. To be honest, I think GW is as bummed as we are that he got elected. That dude can’t wait to see the White House in his rearview. If Barry wants this shit job so bad, let him have it. The press and the people will turn on him at some point, and only then will we know what he’s made of.

Regardless of all that, his campaign has fundamentally changed the economics of politics. This is the first Social-Networking-Financed political campaign. The Presidency is just the latest in a string of jobs for which Tila Tequila is now the most qualified candidate. If we recall Schwarzenegger now, maybe Mary Carey would win this time. And fuck it, man, maybe she’d govern better. Who am I to judge, right?

The meticulously marketed Obama Brand is a contribution aggregator that is driving up the cost of running for president well beyond that of even the monied interests that campaign finance reform sought to curtail. Obama’s recently outspent Clinton as much as 5:1 and his campaign’s current bank account is stacked 10:1 against her–and she’s loaded! This makes him a better politician/fundraiser, but for him to claim that this somehow vindicates him as a better candidate is a weirdly free-market capitalist approach for such a progressive liberal candidate (although it doesn’t take much looking behind the curtain to see that Mr. CFR is not quite Kropotkin). The demographics of buying elections has moved from the top 6% to the top 19%, which I suppose is “progressive.” For the greenoisie, Barack Obama is “Change You Can Charge.” At the end of the day, I suppose we’re now borrowing money from China to elect the American President.

Every day I see the hybrids drive by with “Yes We Can” written in soap on the rear window. To this I say: yes, you can–who’s stoppin’ ya? If the campaign is not just about Obama’s cult of personality but actually about substantive change, then who exactly is stopping these people? Grassroots Change has never started with the presidency, otherwise it would be called Executive Order. Why does Obama have to become President in order for him to do more than pontificate in books and on stage? He doesn’t need to be President in order to start the change movement of which he speaks. Talk is cheap, but for some reason when Barry does the talking it’s suddenly really really expensive. So I ask you this…

Of the $200 million dollars Obama has officially raised and spent so far on this election (not to mention all the other oodles of money spent on his behalf), could all that cash have instead financed some sort of actual Change Initiatives with a bit of ROI? But why would Obama do that when he can spend it on his own career ambitions?–after all, his history of charitable donations from his own household’s mega-income has been pitifully small (and directed overwhelmingly to change-agent Jeremiah Wright). Obama made fun of businessman Romney for spending his campaign money with little ROI… the joke works because Romney spent his own money. None of them seem to care about ROI on OPM.

Whoever wins this next election, (s)he will be the first Billion Dollar President. With that kind of pay-to-play ideology getting them there, I wonder how fiscally conservative this next President will be with our debt once in office. I have two words for you: BUY GOLD.

Hillary Imagineers A Military Record, McCain Confuses The Enemy (not in the good way), Obama Still Trying To Figure Out How He Hasn’t Won Yet

Hillary Clinton is a fucking retard and for some reason she threw the kitchen sink at herself.

McCain is a dumbass, but the media is overplaying this issue. Just because the pundits only recently had to learn the difference between Sunni and Shiite doesn’t mean the theocro-geopolitics in the region are as simple as the Intro To Islam course all those pundits took at their local city college the second this cakewalk became a shit-sandwich. I’ve been astounded how little these idiots knew about world religion at the outset of this war–their ignorance is the mirror image of the fact that our military intelligence only speaks English and Pig Latin. So although McCain is wrong on the face of it, Ahmadinejad is a politician not a cleric and this war is not strictly a Holy War.

Obama has finally understood what we’ve known all along–that the only hardballs Chris Matthews cares about are the ones in Barry’s pants. So Obama is finally giving in and doing a Hardball College Tour next week. It’s gonna be the most romantic moment in television, and MSNBC’s first live salad-tossing.

Clinton has triangulated herself to the point where she can only get a fair interview on Fox News.

Obama’s new politics is The Tyranny of the Paypal. While the rest of us are worried about a recession, his overpaid fans have enough disposable income to cut him in on automatic-withdrawals from each paycheck. This is Change the upper middle class can believe in. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is still complaining about not being able to pay off her student loans while she was making $350k/year… which can mean only one thing–she was the victim of Reverse-Scholarships.

Wright/Kaczynski 2008!

Attn: Racist Christians, It Turns Out Jesus Is Black After All… and Running For President!

The Messiah took the stage today and offered himself as Redeemer for our sins. Hell, my vote ain’t worth shit anyway so it’s a small price to pay in exchange for the Racist Indulgences of previous generations of Americans… before Generation Obama changed all that.

Whatever, I’m glad people are talking about race. I’m glad Reverend Jeremiah Wright plagiarized ‘Threat,’ although he doesn’t like eye-talians after all so fuck that guy. (How dare he say Romans are white and they killed Jesus?? Everybody knows the Jews killed Jesus!)

My beef at the moment, as always, is with the fucking annoying media who basically canonized Barry today. Dumbass Chris Matthews said it was a speech worthy of Lincoln. Uh… Lincoln’s speeches were responding to the entire country gutting each other with bayonets, Barry’s speech today was essentially fessing up to the fact that he straightup LIED on Friday about whether or not he sat in the pew when Jeremiah Wright said the government created AIDS to kill blacks (dude, everybody knows we created AIDS to kill GAYS, you fucking narcissist).

But I don’t even care that these imbecile pundits (they certainly aren’t journalists) are masturbating to Barry’s speech-porn, I’m more annoyed by how they’re using the speech to bitch-slap all the other candidates. Here are my gripes:
Dear Press:
a- Please stop using the expression “thrown under the bus.” It’s really reeeeeeally old.
b- Why are you saying “Hillary threw Geraldine under the bus, but Barry didn’t throw Jeremiah under the bus?” You’re so excited to say this… I hear it on every network and read it all over the place. Buuuuut… both Geraldine and Jeremiah stepped down from their respective campaigns. And Barry’s been speaking out far more against Wright’s rhetoric (not that he wanted to) than Hillary spoke out against Ferraro’s (for better or worse). Soooo… what the fuck are you talking about?
c- Stop drawing comparisons to McCain’s endorsements from random crazy preachers. An endorsement is not the issue.
d- Why are you all so proud that he’s “standing by his man” all of a sudden? You’ve NEVER given any candidate credit for standing by people who make controversial comments. Not even poor John Edwards’ blogger assistants who got shitcanned for writing religious-satire on their own personal blogs.
e- Why the fuck are you kicking Mitt Romney in his Mormon balls over this? What the fuck did he do wrong in this context? There was nothing so morbidly offensive about his “it’s ok to be Mormon” speech that deserves the ridicule he’s receiving posthumously in today’s NY Times editorial and Maureen Dowd’s op-ed. Where the fuck did that come from? What the fuck is wrong with you people?
f- FU People! This election is a farce.

Obama’s clever bait & switch was taking the issue at hand [Radical Black Nationalism and Obama's tutelage/mentorship under one of its most passionate promoters] and instead addressing the issue not at hand [reverse racism]. Last week, Barry tried to position Wright as a crazy uncle who makes George Jefferson look like an Uncle Tom–it was a clever ploy because nobody would care about that… but he did it in regular TV interviews where he has no super-powers. This time he got on stage (which is like Popeye eating his spinach) and convinced everybody that it’s basically the same thing as his white grandmother being skeered of black guys when they pass her on the street. It worked so well that I actually heard a pundit today say that the Obama-Wright relationship is no different than a politician appearing on Imus before the dreaded “nappy-headed ho”comment. Huh? You can’t pull the wool over my eyes, clownaround, I’m looking to vote for a Radical Black Nationalist so I was actually paying attention to the issues when Barry spoke and I was way disappointed by the bait-n-switch. I think I might just have to write-in Jeremiah Wright in the general election.

BTW- Geraldine Ferraro is a retard who’s clearly off her meds, but she was struggling to articulate herself like a Chimp speaking sign language to Helen Keller (I’d say Ray Charles but that would be racist, Helen Keller jokes are always fair-game). The essence of Ferraro’s point is made by this totally bizarre quote I must have heard a dozen pundits and commentators say in the last week: “Obama is lucky to be black?? If he were white he’d be John Edwards!” (a) I don’t have any idea what the fuck they’re talking about or what that means. (b) Ferraro is retarded for saying “he’s lucky,” because the semantics there are ugly, offensive, and downright confusing. But let’s just look at the weird point being made that “if Obama were white, he’d be Edwards.” Uh… Edwards lost! A long time ago! Are you saying Edwards is unlucky to be a white dude? Maybe he is, which is rad that this time around it’s a bummer to be a presidential candidate who’s a white male… but the fact is that the media has ignored every candidate besides Hillary and Obama because they’re so excited to cover the First “credible” Female Candidate vs the First “credible” Black Candidate. The media has selected who the news will focus on, and , for that, Barry and Hillary are both lucky dogs. I mean really… we have 3 Senators in this race. Who’s less qualified than a fucking Senator?? At least one of them is not only a Senator but also a Messiah, so I guess he’s the best pick after all.

Run Reverend Run!

Barack Obama, why are you LYING to the media?? Why are you LYING to the people?? Why are you PRETENDING that you don’t read FU Iowa?? I know you do!… my Blogstats Dashboard shows yo’ cookies! So don’t be tellin’ people that you ain’t heard the provocative words said by your pastor Reverend Jeremiah Wright when they were posted here on FU Iowa back on January 6th!! Fakeass!

Anyhoo…

I think Barry’s doing as good a job as he can under the circumstances. That dude has been avoiding hardball interviews up until this point, but he did all the cable news shows pretty quick to answer questions of his allegiance to Wright’s ideologies. It’s the kind of thing Hillary should’ve done during the South Carolina tussle so she could say “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about with ‘roll of the dice’ being some sort of racebaiting whisper campaign.” By not addressing the issue directly, she kinda sorta got swiftboated into this weird PC shitstorm where every couple of days somebody has to step down from a campaign for hurting somebody else’s feelings. It’s pretty ‘atarded. I don’t see how that douchetard Mark Penn was racist for talking about Obama’s cocaine use (George W was a coke fiend and that dude’s white, as are many cokeheads) and I also don’t see the problem with Samantha Power calling Hillary a monster… isn’t only libelous if it’s untrue? Regurdulous, Barry’s doing a good job of taking the bull by the horns on this one… BUT you’d think he’d have a better answer than “I never heard any of this” since the story has been out there FOR-fucking-EVER!!! Did he just assume the mainstream press would never bother to pick up the story? WTF?

Now first off, as I said back on January 6, Rev Wright is obviously awesome. Hell, a Kaczynski/Wright ticket would be the dreamiest dream ticket short of Kaczynski/Kevorkian or Obama/Koresh. That said, Obama’s gotta be outta his fucking mind to not have a better strategy for dealing with this. That dude’s been his main man for 20 years! Wright married Barry and Michelle, baptized the kids, and inspired Barry’s famous DNC address and his books and the title for Audacity of Hope comes from one of Wright’s sermons! That’s not the same thing as McCain getting endorsements from the crazy kooks he needs to cement the conservative-right behind him, no matter how much progressive talk radio tries to make the connection. Obama may have the jaw to take a few hits on this one, but I don’t get the strategy here on trying to stay ahead of it. It’s hard to kick Wright off the campaign now, when there’s a quote from Wright in the NY Times from last March saying that he and Barry agreed to “distance themselves” if Barry makes it past the primary. That’s a weird statement to put on the record… makes it seem like Barry kinda knew his buddy had been making some provocative statements, no? Kind of a smoking gun that he should’ve come up with a better excuse than “I never heard that crazy shit before the media started playing it this week.” Uh? Ok, Mr. Judgment… sounds like you might just be Reverend Wright’s Client #10. I love me some bad-singin’ hookers and I love me some shriekin’ radicals, but I don’t love politicians who say only they can fuck hookers & nobody else can or politicians who say they’ve never heard their own pastor’s most provocative sermons. Puh-leeze.

Again, this story has been out there for YEARS! But the media never picked it up until LAST WEEK? Why? Because the mainstream media has refused to vet Barry. Well, why did they start? Because last week, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity decided that the general election is on and raised a shitstorm about it. And Drudge picked it up and McCain commented on it and it was at a time when McCain was facing similar problems so the cat finally go outta the bag. It’s actually good timing for Obama… he’s pretty much got the Democratic nomination locked, but he’s not in head to head battle with McCain yet. He now has the longest time ahead of the next Primary contest that he’s had since Iowa, so there’s time for him to yammer about not having heard any of this before and maybe people will get over it by Pennsylvania. Lucky, Barry.